Ok, so I’ll start by being honest. ❤ This blog was going to be about how you “find yourself” or “get back to being you” after having a baby. But, plans have changed since prepping for a photo shoot I had today.
The past few days have made me realize how self critical us women can be on ourselves when it comes to body image. Especially after giving birth! And, even though my Husband is super supportive, theres still a little voice in the back of my head that loathes my post partum body.
You see, it been almost 8 years since I had my first child. After his delivery, I rebounded like a champ. I think I was back to my normal weight 4 weeks after his birth. (Still confused as to what voodoo magic pulled that off.) This time around, not so much. I nursed, but I didn’t exercise as much and I’m way older! My first baby was born vaginally and this little guy came out via emergency c-section. Which leaves me wondering if my stomach will ever go back to the way it was.
Fast forward to this week, Pink Blush sent me this gorgeous dress in the photographs (Burgundy Pinstriped Smocked Dress) to showcase and all I could do was pick myself apart in it. I was thinking how much better it would look in the pictures if I was my pre-baby weight. I’m almost 30 pounds more than I was before I got pregnant (I was underweight) & 20 lbs more than my average weight. So, worried I wouldn’t get a decent shot, I headed to the mall.
My intentions were to find anything that would suck in the extra fat I’m carrying so I could look closer to my “normal” shape. I headed into a major name department store and grabbed 5 different slimming contraptions to try on. Positive I was going to rip one open, I was very careful and acrobatic (I mean, seriously! It was almost like busting a can of biscuits) getting in and out of them. Once finished, I decided on the one that helped the most. Funny though, even after cringing with the fear of breaking the size medium, I came out of the dressing room to check out the size small to see if I could somehow pull it off. *sigh* Keep dreaming, Bianca! 🙄
Off to check out! For some reason, I felt the need to tell the cashier that I’d finally reached the point in my life I needed one of these things. (Along with making the “dun-dun-dunnnn” sound effect for her.) She laughed, kindly and agreed that it sucked.
So today, I’m getting ready to go.. I do my hair and make up, and put on the spanx and the dress. Being fixed up and sucked in is helping a bit. In typical “me” fashion, I’m running around like a crazy lady because I’m late (as always). I fly out the door and head for the park (photo shoot location).
I find myself being so self critical while there. My photographer tells me that I need to cut myself some slack and states the obvious. I “just had a baby”. (Apparently, not so obvious to me!) He shows me some of the shots on the camera and they’ve turned out really well! This helps my paranoia immensely. Once I got home and checked out the final outcome I realized how much I was overreacting and overexhausing myself for nothing. I had to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with the girl on the inside.
I guess my question is this.. How do we get over being SO self critical?
It’s not so easy to answer and there’s definitely not one simple solution. I’ve found that what helps me the most is remembering that God blessed me with the ability to bring a little human into this world. He gave me a baby who’s importance far succeeds any extra pounds I’d like to shed. And also, that I need to give myself time. I need to realize that it took a little longer to gain those pounds than the few short weeks I’m trying to drop them in.
Check out other items from the Pink Blush Women’s Collection!
Photography credit:
Kevin Young
4everyoung Fotos, LLC
@kyphotos32 (on Instagram)